Conflict Management Strategy #4 of 10
The primary reason for our repressive attitude towards emotions in organisations is a pervasive lack of skill in handling intense emotional communications. Daniel Goleman called the ability to recognise, manage and learn from feelings as “emotional intelligence”.
Emotions are present in all relationships even though they do not always reveal themselves in obvious ways.
Whatever the type of conflict, there are three fundamental ways to respond to emotions:
- Externalise them by expressing them in their pure form and risk alienating your opponent
- Internalise them through suppression thereby withdrawing from your opponent
- Reframe them by acknowledging them, express them from a disposition of curiosity and learning so that you can move closer to your opponent.
Many organisations discourage emotional expression because they believe it reflects weakness. In truth however, many new options become available when you can skillfully experience intense emotions.
An especially useful skill for expressing emotions is reframing. This involves explaining our emotions rather than exhibiting them and asking questions that move the emotions towards problem solving.
For example; “What would you like me to do differently in the future?” or “What would you like me to know about you that you think I do not understand?”.
Reframing consists of using empathy to find a fresh word, phrase, or statement that captures content or meaning of what was said while avoiding mistaken impressions or poor word choices.
By reframing you can model a better way of expressing emotions that your opponents can then use to manage and communicate their emotions.
By asking better questions you can shift your opponents focus from emotional entanglement towards observing, accepting and analysing experiences.
The only way out of an intense negative emotion is to experience it fully and own it.
Conflict management strategy #1 Decode the culture
Conflict management strategy #2 Listen Empathetically
Conflict management strategy #3 Search for Hidden Meanings
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