Conflict Management Strategy #5 of 10
Separating out the issues, elements within problems can transform our attitude towards conflict from negative, reactive, and powerless to positive, proactive, and strategic.
The deepest truth is that there is no separation between you and your opponents, other than the illusion that what separates you is important and is unbridgeable. The very moment you find yourself locked in conflict you become inseparable from your opponent, as you care deeply about many of the same things.
Every conflict already contains the seeds of its own resolution. You will be better able to find these seeds by separating what matters from what gets in the way.
This requires separating interests from positions. Positions are what you want while interests are the reasons why you want it. Positions are competitive based on a precept of scarcity. Interests are collaborative, enabling the discovery of common ground.
It requires separating people from problems. Personal hostility always aggravates conflict. You can be much harder on the problem by being softer on the person. Very often there is a generous intent behind unwise behaviour.
Separate problems from solutions. Research on problem solving reveals that the effectiveness of solutions increases by 85% once the real problem has been identified.
Separate the process from the content. If you get stuck in resolving a dispute, particularly in organisational contexts shifting the focus to process issues and reaching agreement there can help ease the way to agreement over content issues.
Conflict management strategy #1 Decode the culture
Conflict management strategy #2 Listen Empathetically
Conflict management strategy #3 Search for Hidden Meanings
Conflict management strategy #4 Reframe Emotions
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